It’s going to be a long month, folks. Only two days into this schedule and I am fairly certain I will not survive. Could be a close call.
Working from 7 am to 11 pm, children's camp all morning and hours of adult dance classes all evening, (with little more than 45 minutes to eat midday) = not our best idea. Period.
And for me, the most frustrating part is not so much tiredness, as it is being absolutely, completely surrounded by people all day. I start to grow edgy and irritated if I can’t find a moment of solitude. It’s ridiculous, I tell you. Even in the bathroom I can hear them outside asking where I am, because I need to find a list or make a phone call or answer a question. I realize I come off looking like a jerk, because I blame it on tiredness when I am short with someone, and I know that we’re all working the same schedule, so what right do I have?
I mean, is it ever okay to say to someone: “Well, I am actually not just tired, and you’re really great and all, but you have got to stop talking, go away and leave me in peace before I start to have nervous spasms”?
Please tell me that it is okay, because my only other option is to run away. And since I am already planning on trying that option out tomorrow and this weekend, I will be in need of a plan B.
Haha…there’s something so pathetic about so much whining coming from the person that works her job “for the relationships she builds with people” (direct quote from my job description). I wonder if I am fulfilling that line in my contract before or after I tell them to shut up and leave me alone…?
I hope and want to believe that there has got to be some grace, even for the most irritable of introverts…sigh.
1 o’clock am. I am finally alone, and here I am writing to a mass of people.
And I don’t even have Internet and won’t be able to post until tomorrow. What is wrong with me?
Nevermind.
Comforting.
3 years ago
4 comments:
Ica,
Jesus always took alone time. Granted, he got up at like 4am to do it. But he always did it - and he could not have done his ministry without being connected to his Vine in that way. If he can't do it without His father, then neither can you. You shouldn't feel bad about needing solitude. Rather, if you didn't need solitude, you should feel bad.
By the way, how do I subscribe to your brain? I want it.
I like that last part, about being alone and yet youre still writing to a mass of people.
I guess deep down, maybe you dont want absolute solitude.
I don't want to be presumptuous and expect that you don't have your hands full enough already, but if you haven't read Henri Nouwen's The Way of the Heart (or, you might want to reread it if have read it). Solitude is the main way that I center myself so that I can press onward--so I can definitley relate. I find that, when done correctly, solitude propels us deeper into community.
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